


downfall

by atlas_oulast



Category: Keeper of the Lost Cities Series - Shannon Messenger
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adventure & Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Violence, Canon-Typical Violence, Consensual Underage Sex, Depression, Desert, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Flashback Spoilers, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Stranded, Suicidal Thoughts, Teen Pregnancy, light gore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-08 10:41:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21474667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atlas_oulast/pseuds/atlas_oulast
Summary: Sophie Foster is almost ready to crack.After another incident, a happy one initially, that had shattering consequences for her, she’s almost reached her breaking point.Now, she finds herself having to fight her way home, and she can’t give up yet.UPDATES ON MONDAY AND THURSDAY EVERY WEEK (in theory)
Relationships: Sophie Foster/Fitz Vacker
Comments: 16
Kudos: 27





	1. prologue (chapter one)

**Author's Note:**

> i did this for nanowrimo 2019, and _ wow. _ it has been a labour of love and patience, and a lot of google searches asking if you really can eat sand. 
> 
> this is Riddled with flashback spoilers!! i read legacy near the end of november on a road trip and briefly considered converting this fic so that it’d be canon compliant with the most recent installment, but ahahahah if you think im gonna convert this 45k+ monstrosity you are Sadly mistaken. but (hopefully) there are some legacy compliant fics on the way.
> 
> let me say this again for emphasis- !!!!FLASHBACK!!!!!SPOILERS!!!!!
> 
> 👏👏FLASHBACK👏👏
> 
> 👏👏SPOILERS👏👏
> 
> on last time (just in case lilac is still here) 
> 
> F L A S H B A C K
> 
> S P O I L E R S
> 
> and one last thing!! Mind the Tags! these serve as trigger warnings for the fic as a whole, and some of these things only happen in a chapter or two, some happen nearly every chapter. so Please, click away before reading if any of these warnings apply to you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a beginning, one that sophie would prefer to forget.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tws for self harm, depression, mentions of abortion

Sophie was crying, hurting herself and crying.

A sharp blade pressed into skin, thick blood pouring out of her arms. She was _sobbing _and she wanted to _die_.

The nightmares were just _so_ bad that night and she just didn’t think she could take it anymore. She toyed with the idea of slitting her wrists or jumping out the window, or perhaps climbing into her parent’s bed and sobbing her eyes out.

And it wasn’t even just the nightmares.

Because Sophie Foster was pregnant.

The Matchmakers had told her that she was unmatchable due to the lack of knowing who her genetic parents were, and yet she’d had sex with Fitz. And it was beautiful, and she was on her stomach when her belly button poked out, and she’dbeen told before that when the belly button of an elvin woman stuck out, it meant that a baby was on the horizon, that she’d just conceived.

And Sophie Foster was far, far beyond terrified.

The fight with the Neverseen was far from over. Truly, it was just getting started. After the tribunal about the trolls and the Vackers, one thing had lead to another and then Sophie was under Fitz and pleading with him, please please please, because she _needed_ it and so did he. They weren’t just horny teenagers, they were so fucking stressed and just fucking _tired_ and they had needed it. 

And it had been beautiful.

But then Sophie realised that her belly button was poking out, later that evening, and she had just sat in the bathroom and cried while Fitz slept. Because what would it say about her and Fitz that she was pregnant? Teen pregnancies were unheard of in the Lost Cities, as far as she knew. And they weren’t even matched. She was unmatchable and Fitz fucking Vacker was going to have a baby with an unmatchable girl, the Moonlark, no less. The Vacker family name had been dragged through the mud and then some lately, and now she was only going to bring more scorn. 

Not only to the Vackers, but also to her own family. Her parents had been recluses until recently, and whenever they walked the streets, the whispers would follow them around. And Jolie had almost married someone who was a bad match for her, and also a key member of the Neverseen until his death.

And Sophie... was Sophie. She’d been banished, she’d been broadcasted live to all the elves while fighting newborn trolls and the Neverseen, she’d been taken, she’d been through Lumenaria and Oblivimyre and all the rest. Sophie has created a reputation for herself, a reputation that even she couldn’t begin to describe.

And how was she supposed to carry and birth a baby pretty much in the middle of a war? Train with her bodyguards while pregnant, fight while pregnant... what if she gave birth on a battlefield or while captured? What if the Neverseen found out she was pregnant and used it against her? In every single possible way, this was horrible.

And yet... Sophie couldn’t bear the thought of not having the baby. It was extremely, extremely selfish, because the baby, if born at all, would face a lifetime of scorn and hatred and would be looked down upon. It was so horrifically, disgustingly stupid and yet Sophie couldn’t stomach the thought of having an abortion. 

Not that abortions were a thing in the Lost Cities, but even if she could go to a Forbidden City and get an abortion, or get Elwin to do something that would kill the fetus... she wouldn’t want it. And adoption was only a thing if the parents were dead or something of the sort, and besides, everyone would know who the parents were. There were only several thousand elves, not seven billion. Everyone would know.

So Sophie had no choice. She had to have the baby.

But knowing all this, knowing what she faced... it made her want to die so, so bad. She’d been borderline suicidal before... but this was something different. She was really, decidedly suicidal.

She didn’t know what to do. Other than to cut, and cry, and wish this all away. Which wouldn’t work. Wishing would never get her anything.

She didn’t know who to tell. Because she’d never heard of elves having teen pregnancies, because they all had them after getting married at a respectable age. How could anyone help her? Edaline would probably be the most helpful out of anyone, because she’d carried a baby... maybe Grady, although telling him might come with the side effect of being locked in her room until she was well over a thousand years old to keep her away from boys...

The obvious thing, though, would be to tell Fitz. But Sophie really didn’t know how to tell him or, more pressingly, how he’d react. Again, it’s not like this happejed for elves. And he was a Vacker... he hadn’t to worry about his family name. Sure, he wasn’t obsessed with it, and he would probably do anything for her - a thought that made her misbehaving lips smile dorkily, even as she cried - But sheknew he could never marry a bad match. He’d told her himself. It wasn’t so much about the family name, more about what it’d do to the family itself - his mom his dad, Biana. 

And here Sophie was with something that they would never hear the emd of from the entire elvin race. It really would ruin them. AndSophie had watched Dex go through life as the child of a bad match, and she knew how much it had hurt him. She didn’t want that for any child, any child of hers or otherwise.

It was her fault, for having sex with Fitz. It didn’t matter how good it felt, it didn’t matter how amazing it was, she had had sex with Fitz Vacker and it was her fault that she got pregnant as a result. Elves were more cautious about having sex than humans were, so contraception didn’t exist in the Lost Cities. It wasn’t Fitz’s fault if he didn’t use a device he probably didn’t know existed, it was her fault. She knew the risks and did it anyway, and Sophie, being the girl, was at fault. It was the girl’s fault every time in these situations, but definitely her fault in this situation.

Sophie was utterly _destroyed_. She was going to destroy _everything_ with this and it was her fault. And what if it was multiples, and what if she or the baby died in delivery, and what if and what if and what if.

So all that Sophie could really do right now was cut herself with a dagger about the size of her palm that Sandor had given her, and cry hysterically.

Sophie Foster was pregnant with Fitz Vacker’s baby, and surely would go down in history as the person who ruined his life.


	2. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another beginning, an immediate throw into action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologises for the horrible spacing, i got reaaaal tired of trying to fix it on this site on my phone, which, lemme tell you, is _ hard _
> 
> also Somehow im already late on a chapter and this is only chapter Two (technically One)... but smh

One day, Sophie and a few friends decided to meet up at Everglen, take a hike around the forest, and breath for a moment. They had been training hard, and they needed a break, a break to stop worrying about their problems and breathe.

Fitz wouldn’t be available, and neither would Dex, but Biana, Keefe, and Linh, along with Sophie, showed up to Everglen that day, a spring day a mere five months after Sophie had conceived.

They had set up ground rules the night before. Basically, they weren’t allowed to talk about the Neverseen, Vespera, Lady Gisela, Gethen, Ruy, Fintan, the ogres, soporidine, et cetera. Nothing related to the evils they were currently facing down. They needed a break and were going to get one.

They’d even gotten to leave all their bodyguards behind. Linh never had a bodyguard, but Ro was left behind, along with Woltzer, and Sophie’s entire multi species bodyguard team, even Nubuti and Flori. Just four teens and the very very safe woods of Everglen.

Maybe they didn’t have the gates anymore, but somehow they had convinced their bodyguards to be off the grounds entirely. Not even one bodyguard was at Everglen, they were all at Havenfield with the parents, doing something, but whatever it was, as long as it wasn’t a museum of Sophie Foster Underwear, she didn’t care.

So when they got together, they simply silently acknowledged each other and went into the woods, following a single track hiking trail weaving through it. Sophie didn’t know how long it was or how far out it went but didn’t care, as long as she could loose her worries walking it.

For the longest while, nobody spoke. They just walked in a single file line down an old beaten path and kept walking and walking and trying to get away from the huge storm cloud of worry and stress. Biana was in the lead, with Keefe close behind, Sophie in the middle, and Linh taking up the rear.

Sophie wasn’t sure how to feel about the somewhat awkward silence, but took the time to listen to the sound of the leaves on the trees rustling in the wind and the chirps of birds, to hear their steps cracking sticks and stepping upon rocks. It was oddly soothing, and she wondered if any humans had ever made walking through the woods white noise. Or an ASMR video.

With that thought, she decided to break the silence, saying, “The sound of walking around in the woods should be an ASMR video.”

“Excuse me, what the heck?” Linh asked.

“What’s an ASMR video?” Inquired Biana.

And Keefe, “It must stand for Archipelago Standing Mildly Right... or A Satisfying Making of Ripplepuffs.”

“It’s autonomous sensational meridian response, I think. But basically, humans take a microphone and rub stuff on it and make noises and they’re supposed to make tingles in their brains. I wouldn’t know, it never seemed to work for me.”

“Okay, humans have done some pretty freaking weird stuff, but I think that’s a new personal record for the human race, because good lord almighty that’s weird,” Keefe said.

“But I’m just saying, the sound of walking in the woods would make a really good ASMR video. Or, maybe some really good white noise to fall asleep to.”

“If you say so,” Biana said.

“So, ASMR gives you brain tingles... does it work on elves?” Keefe asked.

“I doubt it. It didn’t work for me... and I know it doesn’t work on all humans but... I don’t know. Maybe I’ll have Dex mess with my iPod some more to see if he can put in some sort of WiFi hotspot so I can show you.”

“What’s a WiFi?” Keefe asked.

“What’s a hotspot?” Linh added.

And Sophie was right in the middle of explaining human internet and technology when she heard a branch snap.

Instantly, a knife was in her hand. Her training by her bodyguards had given her instincts she’d never had had before, and the knife just made her way into her hand and it didn’t matter how it got there. It was just muscle memory.

Everyone else fell silent and looked around. When Sophie didn’t hear anything else, she relaxed, and put away her knife.

“Sorry, I think it was a false alarm... guess I’m just jumpy.”

And then a meaty, thick, sickly smelling hand was slapped over her mouth and she was dragged away from her friends. Another hand harshly ripped her registry pendant off her neck.

Her hands were pinned down. The ogre or whatever it was held them there. She couldn’t move her arms to get her knife.

All she could do was struggle. Struggle. Kick. Elbow. Wiggle. Eventually, she managed to hit whoever it was in a soft place and grabbed her knife.

She whirled around fast, facing the lumpy faced ogre. Quick as a flash, she slashed at his face, and then broke into a run, back the way she’d come, screaming for Keefe and Linh and Biana.

While running, she came across a large fallen branch, thick and sturdy but not too heavy or tall. It would make a good sword, of sorts, and she stopped briefly to grab it before breaking back into a run.

She found Linh battling an ogre of her own, blasting him with stream of water after stream of water. She was graceful but deadly. Quick and simple, she struck him in the eye with a stream and managed to knock him to his knees.

“Biana’s invisible someplace, I don’t think she’s far. I think I saw another one drag Keefe down the hill,” Linh quickly explained.

Sophie and Linh bolted down the hill, trying their best not to slip and fall on the fallen leaves and twigs. They found Keefe having just struck an ogre with a throwing star.

He ran to them quickly, and they all made their way back uphill before the ogre could get up and follow.

Sophie’s ogre was back again, but suddenly, his left ankle jerked backwards and he fell flat on his face. Biana reappeared after that, holding a small crystal. Its colour could only be described as brownish blueish greyish.

“I knocked one out, he was carrying this crystal with him. I think it’s a temporary one,” Biana quickly explained.

“We should get to the house and find the bodyguards,” Sophie said.

But before they could carry out that action, three new ogres lumbered up.

“New plan: we take the crystal wherever it leads and hail for help whenever we get there,” Keefe whispered as they stumbled back, pulling out weapons.

_Wedon’t know where it leads, _ Sophie responded, opening a channel into all of their minds.

_We’ll hail for help as soon as we get there, _Linh argued.

Biana nodded in agreement, and Sophie, facing down the large, better weaponed, better equipped, better trained ogres, caved and grabbed Keefe’s hand, still holding the branch she’d grabbed.

With her other hand she held Linh’s, and her other hand held Biana’s as she held the crystal up to the light and they were whisked away.

If Sophie had thought that jumping using the light from unmapped stars was bad... this was a whole new level. It was like they were floating through endless swamp water... _chunky_swamp water. Chunky swamp water mixed with barf, chunky swamp water mixed with barf that cut deep into her skin like broken glass and stung, like lemon juice in a paper cut, only thousands of times worse.

Sophie had had too much already, and was contemplating giving up to the light when finally, they arrived at their destination, as in, they all collapsed to their knees out of exhaustion and pain from that leap.

It was... sand.

Miles and miles in every direction, dunes higher than skyscrapers, daring anyone stupid enough to summit them.

And it was _ hot._A good ninety five degrees in dry heat, almost unbearable as soon as it occurred. And somehow, it triggered a headache like a million dumbbells raining down upon her head all at once, never ceasing. Sophie fell from her knees to her side, tracing circles in the sand weakly as she grit her teeth and tried to weather the storm.

Nobody else around her really seemed keen on moving much, either. Keefe stayed collapsed on his knees, Linh laid out on her back, and Biana on her stomach. Headache or no, the light leap had knocked the fight out of all of them.

And the crystal crumbled in Biana’s hand as they all laid there.

It was a kind of temporary crystal Sophie had never seen but had heard of, one way crystals that crumbled once they were used once.

Which made her wonder two things.

One, where the hell they were, and two, why the ogres who’d randomly attacked them at Everglen had it... and what they were planning on doing with them. Capturing them? The Neverseen had tried kidnapping people before and had seemingly given up on that, after Sophie and Dex’s were abducted and then rescued, and then Wylie had escaped when they captured him. Kidnapping just never really worked for them.

So why now did they do this? Sophie had only seen ogres, not one of the key Neverseen members that she was used to seeing at every attack. Maybe they were planning on kidnapping them and then taking them to them? But still... why were the Neverseen resorting to kidnapping again?

It’s not like they had any information that they didn’t know of. They’d searched Tam’s memories, they knew everything. There was not one secret they didn’t know and couldn’t exploit... so why do something like this? They could be trying to kidnap the newborn alicorns, using the information that Mr. Forkle was alive to their advantage... Sophie and her friends had nothing left they didn’t know.

So _why?_

And it was so sudden... one moment she was actually kinda enjoying herself for once... and now they were in the middle of god only knows where and her head was _throbbing._

But she sat up dutifully, and reached for her Imparter- only to come up empty.

The pocket against the side of her hip on the left side, where she kept her Imparter, her limbium antidote, her limbium free Fade Fuel, and home crystal. And that entire pocket was empty.

She cursed under her breath and quickly emptied every other pocket, including her boots. Every weapon squirrelled away in her clothing other than those she hadn’t used in the attack were still there, it was just the one fucking pocket that was empty.

And it was the pocket she needed the most right now.

Everyone else seemed to have deciphered what the quiet bad words and furious pocket emptying had meant, and reached for their own Imparters. Flori had sewn into everyone’s clothes that hip pocket for essentials like that and all of them were empty. Every other pocket was fine... but the one they needed most was empty, save for some dust bunnies.

“So, we don’t have home crystals or pathfinders anywhere else, right?” Sophie asked, knowing it was futile.

And indeed, everyone nodded.

So they were trapped and stranded with no way of communication. Everyone had gotten their registry pendants ripped off, there was no way anyone could track or find them.

And then, suddenly, a realisation crashed into her that did a very good job of making her feel stupid.

“Duh, Sophie... I can transmit for help,” she said, mentally face palming. She was literally one of the most powerful Telepaths ever to exist, of course she could transmit.

So she reached out with her mind... and dug deep through murky darkness to try and find Fitz.

And then she slammed into a bright glowing white wall and she couldn’t breathe for a second, and then she was thrown back into her body.

She grabbed Linh’s shoulder since it was the closest thing to her, and everything went black.


	3. chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where they sleep in a sand ditch and sophie is really, really upset

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> understatement of the century, dev, she’s a Lot more than just upset.
> 
> also i swear i have many chapters prewritten, i just forget to post them. this has happened before. :3

Sophie awoke in the sand a few moments later, surrounded by Keefe, Linh, and Biana. The headache she’d had before was _nothing_ compared to the pounding of her head now.

She groaned and sat up slowly, feeling Biana support her as she did so. Sophie clutched her head and rubbed her temples sadly, trying to relieve the pressing pain in her head.

“So I’m guessing that we can’t transmit, huh?” Keefe asked finally.

“It felt kinda like trying to sense through a force field... only way, way worse.” Sophie shook her head defeatedly.

“Guys... I think I know why that happened... and where we are,” Linh said slowly.

Everyone turned to look at her, expectantly.

“Several times, Exillium went near the illusions that keep the Lost Cities hidden. One time, it was in a desert and we could see the illusion glowing like a mirage in the far distance. We were on the elf side of it then... but I think we’re on the human side, now.”

And each and every one of them was stunned absolutely silent.

Because the implications of that were just... far too big.

It meant that the temporary crystal had leapt them to the Forbidden Cities... probably they were somewhere in the Sahara Desert. And it meant that the ogres might’ve been about to take them here... or that they had some sort of business here.

It meant that they were planning to go there or had already been here or both.

Which meant..

“The Neverseen might be here,” Biana said, taking the words right off her tongue.

“I was just about to say the same,” Sophie nodded.

“We’re still armed... but I think we should focus on trying to find our way back to the other side of the illusion,” Linh suggested.

“We shouldn’t be searching for the Neverseen in these conditions, especially since we don’t know for sure if they’re here,” Sophie agreed.

“Linh, do you know the way to the illusion?”

“I don’t..” Linh admitted slowly. “But I’ll know it if we see it... the best we can do would be to get walking... although, I think there’s a sandstorm coming.”

“What?” Biana asked.

Linh pointed to an angry cloud of brown dust off far in the distance, slowly approaching. “When we were here at Exillium, a sandstorm came unexpectedly and we were taught how to make sand shelters. Here, I’ll show you.”

Linh stood up and then knelt back down a few feet away, next to a small pile of sand... which had very little difference from the sand she’d been sitting on. Using her hands, she quickly dug down into the sand, just as much creating a wide hole as a deep one. Quickly, Sophie jumped to help, followed by Keefe and Biana.

They made a hole that was almost grave like, a good four feet deep, narrow and rectangular. It was wide enough for them to all crouch down at the bottom. It helped that the sand seemed soft and light and was pretty easy to move and scoop, so they got it done pretty quickly.

“Now, everyone get in,” Linh directed, and they all obeyed quickly, climbing into the small hole.

Linh gathered up all the sand that they’d pulled up out of the hole and began shaping a round roof structure around the hole. Making herself a stool by digging up some sand from the bottom of the hold and standing on it, Sophie was able to reach the surface and help Linh build up the round, squat roof. The sand, if packed together, stayed put, even without being wet. So the roof structure was slowly, slowly formed, and Linh climbed in before sealing off the final opening at the top.

And then they were all gathered in a small narrow grave, hot and sticky in the middle of the sand.

“The structure won’t cave in, right?” Keefe asked.

“No... as long as we pack down the walls and floor. The roof caving in is the least of our worries, it’s walls caving if the sand shifts that you really have to worry about,” Linh explained.

With that cheery thought, they all made work of scraping off a thin layer of sand from the wall and then packing down deep what was left. It widened the little underground shelter, but definitely didn’t help with ventilation. The sand they scraped from the wall was stamped down as hard as they could, creating a flat floor.

“Trust me, this is better than hundred mile an hour winds whipping sand into every single bit of you,” Linh reassured them, sitting down on the floor finally. “Of course, we’re going to get covered in sand really fast in this desert, but walking through a sandstorm is far, far worse.”

Sophie sank slowly to the ground, holding her head in her hands pathetically. It was still throbbing, more or less than before, she couldn’t tell. There wasn’t much a difference between when she’d woken up and now.

Keefe and Biana too, sat down, and in the narrow hole, they could sit down in a row, criss cross applesauce, and just barely, barely not touch knees.

Sophie rested her head against the wall of the shelter and simply focused on breathing. It was the only thing that got her through wave and wave of horrid pain.

After awhile, she began hearing a shrieking sound, and for a bit she was alarmed, thinking that someone was in trouble on the surface, until she saw the roof practically tremble, bits of sand raining down on them.

Linh sprung up quickly, patting and pressing the roof tighter. “The storm’s here... it sounds like a bad one,” she explained.

Sophie eventually grew desensitised to the tortured shriek of the wind, blowing around sand. She and Linh periodically reinforced the roof with some sand they pulled up from the floor, but the sandstorm was more spent silently sitting in the stuffy dark hole in the ground.

After awhile, she heard soft, steady breathing, and saw that Biana had fallen asleep with her head against the wall. It was probably a good idea, seeing as the sandstorm wasn’t showing any signs of letting up anytime soon.

Linh, too, soon dozed off, and then Keefe, and finally, Sophie allowed her exhausted body to fall asleep to the shriek of the wind. 

* * *

Sophie awoke to hear the screech and shriek of the wind still fighting above, and the only other sound she heard was only the steady breathing of her friends.

They were all still asleep, though she could barely make them out in the almost complete darkness. There were no holes in the roof, so Sophie didn’t even know how they had light. Actually, she was, because her fingers glowed. Not her fingers, really, but the fingernail tools Tinker had made for her. She’d never realised that they did that.

Also, Linh wore a star shaped necklace made of some sort of clay that seemed to glow too, and Biana’s tunic glowed. All of the glowing together cast dim shadows on the group.

But everyone else was still asleep, and Sophie should be, too. Her body needed rest and while the sandstorm still raged above there was nothing to do other than sleep or stare into space.

She didn’t even know what had woken her up. The wind volume hadn’t changed one bit, and she hadn’t heard any bangs or crashes of things the wind might’ve whipped around, seeing as all their belongings they had were down here with them, and there was nothing else on this vast expanse of desert.

She didn’t know what had woken her up, that is, until she felt it again.

A small, fluttering kick from inside of her.

Her five month old baby, kicking her. Dragging her to the reality of the situation.

She was five months pregnant now, and still hadn’t told anyone, and was now stranded in the middle of a vast desert, alone with three friends, with no Imparters or home crystals or pathfinders or registry pendants. Sophie didn’t know when, or if, really, she’d get home.

Moreover, Sophie noted, this could hurt the baby. What if the extreme heat killed it, or there was a battle and something happened? Really nothing much but training had happened over the past five months, and she’d been able to stop whenever she really had to then. But now... she was probably facing days, if not weeks, of walking and climbing dunes in search of the Lost Cities.

And if she killed the baby that way... she wouldn’t be able to live with herself.

She might hate the fact that she was pregnant at all, but it was a fact, and if she killed her baby, her own _ child..._ she’d kill herself. She could barely manage to wound people, if her actions led to the death of her baby... she’d end herself.

In addition to the risk of harming her baby... she didn’t know how long she’d be here. Would she have to give birth in a similar sand shelter? She knew she’d eventually have to tell _someone_ that she was pregnant, but... she didn’t want anyone to find out, especially not like this.

Would they hate her? This situation was already horrific, and now... if she told them the truth... she’d be throwing a whole new wrench in everything.

She really did hate herself. It was all her fault. If only she’d told Fitz to stop before it was too late, or done something else that would make him happy... she was too blind through burning desire to think or even really _breathe_ and now there was a baby in her, and the ticking clock was at four months until her life would forever change.

If it ruined Fitz’s life... it would be her fault.

She traced her fingers over small, white scars on her arms. She’d never bothered to try and get some sort of healing balm on them, electing to just let them scar, and at this point she didn’t know if they’d go away.

Hurting herself felt stupid... but freeing. She knew it was the epitome of stupid... and also inconsiderate, seeing as almost all her friends had scars because of her, scars from fiercely fought battles, losses and victories. And these scars... they were laughing in the face of the scar from when Fitz was stabbed by a giant bug, the faint spiderweb scars from the broken glass during Atlantis.

They were horrible and she loved the feeling of tracing a blade over skin and letting it cut deep and take the pain away when it scabbed... even if she felt worse when it was all done but let the voices in her head convince her that she did feel better, and that this was what she _needed._

And she felt pitiful sometimes, almost wishing someone would push up her sleeve and see and try to help her... but she knew she didn’t deserve it.

Just like she didn’t deserve help as she took a dagger with a blade the size of her palm and traced it in a pain inducing dance across her arm, in a slow straight line.

They all slept soundly as Sophie cried, afraid of what tomorrow would bring, afraid of the baby and what it would bring... afraid of _herself._

She eventually stopped herself, wiping off the blade with the inside of her sleeve. She withdrew it, stuffed it back in her pocket, and pressed the sleeve hard against the fresh cuts, gritting her teeth against the almost blinding pain, feeling like a monster, a horrible weak monster, when the tiniest of whimpers escaped her.

She held her sleeve there hard until she was sure that the bleeding had stopped, and wrapped her arms around her knees, silently crying herself back into a dreamless sleep.


	4. chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the filler chapter inbetween ones were shit actually happens. enjoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah yeah i should’ve posted this eight weeks ago or whatever and this chapter as well as 22 others have been ready to go since november but i just.... f o r g e t :((

Sophie awoke again to a slight scritch scratch noise, the sound of the shrieking wind noticeably absent.

She pried her eyes open through sweat and sand that had dried there. It was an indescribably disgusting feeling.

Sophie felt groggy and exhausted, and very, very stiff. There wasn’t really room to move around, through, so she settled with unwrapping her arms from her knees and pulling her sleeve from the underside of her arm, where the blood had dried and the sleeve had stuck with it.

She saw Keefe, sitting up, silently drawing on the wall in front of him with a small dagger. Expertly, he scratched away singular grains of salt for a perfect picture... a portrait.

A portrait of his mother, looking regal even as a sand carving, hair in an intricate plait down both sides and secured in a bun at the nape of her neck, wearing some sort of high collared evening gown, though the drawing was a bust, and so it didn’t go very far past her shoulders. A few loose, curled hairs hung, framing her face, and her lips were curled in a warm, happy smile.

A smile that Lady Gisela never once smiled and never would smile.

“That’s beautiful..” Sophie murmured. Keefe, seeming to have already known she was awake, didn’t look away from his work.

“It’s so... unrealistic.”

“The only unrealistic thing is her smile,” Sophie said.

“That’s what I mean... it’s a picture of someone who never loved me, looking like she’s looking at someone lovingly,” Keefe explained. He was quiet... soft... bitter.

Sophie hugged him, a hug that was awkward in more ways than one. First off, they were still crammed in a grave hole, and they were both sweaty and gross smelling. Secondly, Sophie was kind of side hugging him and kind of full hugging him, careful not to let her slight baby bump touch him. Now simply wasn’t the time.

Not that there was a good time... but now certainly wasn’t it.

She pulled away after a few moments, and Keefe went back to drawing, but eventually packed the sand with his mother’s face on it back in, erasing the fact that she’d ever been there.

And then Linh woke up, and Biana quickly followed.

“I think the dust storm has passed,” Linh said eventually, “So we should get going. We have a long walk ahead of us.”

“How exactly do we get out?” Keefe asked.

“Easy,” Linh said, grabbing Sophie’s stick, and before anyone could say anything, driving it into the ceiling. Sand rained down on them as the whole thing collapsed.

Linh shook herself off and handed Sophie back her stick, smiling wanly at their surprised and now sand covered faces. She now used her hands to dig at the wall, pretty much pulling it up, and allowing enough sand to spill onto the floor that they could all climb out of the shelter.

Once they were finally all out, they followed Linh’s instruction and every bit of sand they’d dug up went back into the hole, and then they smoothed it over until there was absolutely no trace remaining that they’d been there.

And then... they walked.

Sophie was at a slight advantage because her branch could be used as a walking stick, helping her move forward. But still... even when they were going downhill it was an upward battle, the sand now sinking somewhat under their feet but coming back up when they took their weight off, erasing any footprints they might’ve left. The sand penetrated her boots, spilling in whenever she sunk too deep in the sand to keep it out. Soon, she was walking on sand inside and out her boots, and everyone else was in a similar predicament.

And it was _hot._If yesterday had been hot, today was _boiling._And today they actually had to go places. They pretty much waded through the thick, hot, unforgiving sand, their thirst growing with every step they took.

The temperature regulation skill Sophie had learned at Exillium was put to good use, turning everything forty degrees and making each drip of sweat down her back a drip from a slightly melting icicle.

And as the hours wore on, it was hard to focus on maintaining it. It was one thing if she was sitting on a mat and another when she was trudging through miles and miles of sand.

So eventually, she slipped to an interval system, counting to 500 in her head before releasing the cold, and counting to 500 again before pulling it back. But her tired mind kept loosing count and her ears rang, because just because she’d convinced her mind that it was cold, it didn’t change the climate for real. Her body was still dealing with the unbearable heat.

The day passed by in a blink and the day lasted eight years, and they never saw a single glimmer of an illusion. Defeatedly, as the sun sank below the dunes, they dug another hole, shaped a roof, and collapsed into an exhausted sleep.

This cycle repeated for days, growing more and more exhausted and thirsty. Hydrokinesis worked by soaking up water in the air, and the heat here was blisteringly dry, not a speck of moisture.

Thankfully, one day Linh suddenly perked up, announcing that she felt water calling to her. The water, it turned out, was in a small round pool, about two feet deep and five feet wide. Silently, automatically, they each knelt down and drank the hot but refreshing water until they couldn’t anymore.

“We should bring some with us... but I can’t focus long enough to carry it in a bubble,” Linh said. “Do we have any containers?”

Keefe produced a small canteen like object that was bone dry but perfect for depositing some of the water in, and Biana had three glass bottles that once held elixirs, that she’d carried around since Atlantis and never bothered to get out of her cape pocket.

The amount of water they ended up taking with them was pitifully small, but Linh carried a decent sized bubble of it with them, allowing them to take sips periodically until her grip was slipping and they ended up using it to douse them all to cool them down, and then Linh gathered up the water from them and smushed it in the ground.

And the water they’d put in the bottles ran out so quickly, they ended up making their shelter for the day just a couple hundred feet from the oasis.

“Maybe we should stay here for a bit... it doesn’t feel like we’re getting anywhere and we might not find water for a long time,” Sophie suggested, once they were all settled down there.

“Yeah... but we’ll never get home if we stay,” Biana argued.

“We’re never going to survive without water and we had to turn back to get more... we need to have a water supply, except we can’t have a water supply if all we have is a canteen and three elixir bottles.”

“We need it to rain... if it rains we’ll have water for days,” Linh said. “I’ll be able to pull moisture from the air for the next two days, and water from the ground.

“It doesn’t rain much in the Sahara Desert. I think we need to find some humans.”

All three of her friends stared at her like she was insane.

“Won’t we look weird, in our clothes and everything?” Linh asked.

“Yeah, and Keefe and Biana and I look really white... of course, that doesn’t matter, this is a region of Africa, so we’ll all look weird. We might stumble on some sort of settlement someplace.”

“Why will we specifically look weird in Africa?” Keefe asked.

“Because Africa is populated mostly with black people.”

“And what’re black people?” Biana asked.

Sophie sighed. “I keep forgetting that not everyone knows everything about humans. Black people are a race of people... they look like Wylie and Prentice and Quinlin, for example.”

Everyone nodded in understanding after that one.

“But what choice do we have? If we see a settlement, I will be sure to go pay the locals a visit. I can speak their language, which is useful. We can... we’ll say we got stranded here when our passports expired, and kidnapped in... hmm... Algiers... or maybe Cario, or one of the other capital cities of countries in the Sahara, depending on what country they say they’re in. But, we got kidnapped, escaped, and got hopelessly lost in the desert.”

“That’s all fine and good, but we’re more likely to find the illusion then we are a settlement. We’ve been walking for days and haven’t found anything.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t stay here for a very long time... but take a few days here, rest and drink water and breathe for a bit before continuing on,” Keefe suggested.

“I could agree to that,” Linh said slowly. Biana nodded, and then, Sophie too.

“We need some time to rest, definitely,” Sophie added.

So they added onto their sand shelter, digging a grave next to the one the already had and thinning the wall it shared with the other and then shaping a hole large enough to crawl through to the other room. And then, because they might as well, they added a third and fourth room.

They could’ve kept adding, but they were exhausted and their hands tingling and red from digging through the rough sand, and four rooms was impressive enough. Linh even made a sort of sand pipe from the pool of the oasis to the first room with telekinesis, that she could pull water to from under here.

And then Sophie was the first, finally, to collapse from likely heat exhaustion.

The work had been hard, rewarding but _ hard,_ and with all the sun beating down relentlessly on her and the baby, it was just too much and her knees gave in.

So embarrassingly, Linh and Keefe pretty much had to carry her into the first room, and then Linh pulled water from the pipe and made her a forehead compress and wrist compresses, laying her on her back to breathe.

And it was late at night, when the underground had cooled off some, when Linh and Biana had gone to sleep in other rooms, and Sophie was alone with Keefe.

And she knew she had to tell him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> main tumblr: @nbchristinecanigula
> 
> koltc tumblr: @sophie-foster-disaster-bi


	5. chapter five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> keefe really fucking is the best friend ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> miracle of miracles! im actually posting on a day when im supposed to!
> 
> i ship fitzphie and this fic is fitzphie.... don’t get excited. i prefer sokeefe as platonic love, or a qpr... pls spareth me fitzphie has issues but it warms my feeble heart.
> 
> but so too does warm my heart platonic sokeefe... thems soft.

“Keefe?” Sophie asked, allowing her voice to be soft and vulnerable even if it felt weak and stupid.

He turned towards her quickly, his ice blue eyes full of worry. “Yes, Foster? You okay?”

Sophie fidgeted a little with the hem of her tunic before continuing. “There’s... there’s something I need to tell you.”

She couldn’t hide it anymore. She had heat exhaustion and the baby might’ve suffered too, and with the ten days they’d spent out here, Sophie was pretty sure the five months she’d been telling herself was how pregnant she was for four weeks was now six.

She was endangering her health and the health of her baby a lot... which wasn’t really her fault, and it’s not really her fault... but he deserved to know. Because what if she collapsed again?

“You can tell me anything. Actually, anything other than how much you miss Fitzphie cuddles,” Keefe teased, fake gagging to drive his point.

Before she could control it, her face fell. Because she knew this was sharing a _lot_of information with Keefe, and this was a lot of Fitzphie. It literally was because of Fitzphie... and it didn’t leave much to the imagination what had happened when she’d tell him.

Keefe’s face softened. “Is that what this is about? I mean, not the heat exhaustion, but-“

“No... not really,” Sophie interrupted. “It’s just... it does have to do with Fitz and you deserve to know... you also deserve to hate me as much as you want when you find out.”

“I don’t think I could ever hate you, Sophie,” Keefe said, his voice teasing but genuine.

“It’s just... this changes everything... and has the potential to ruin lives.”

“I’m sure it can’t be as bad as you’re saying it is,” Keefe said, crinkling his nose.

“Oh no... it is. I’m not exaggerating, I wish I was.”

Sophie felt trapped in her own mind, everything begging her to just tell him and also everything begging her to shut up and tell Keefe to forget it.

But she _had_to tell him. He had a right to know.

“Just... please don’t do anything to me because I told you this,” Sophie pleaded.

“Sophie, you could tell me that you were secretly a double agent for the Council the whole time and this whole thing was a lie... and I still wouldn’t hate you.”

Sophie didn’t laugh.

“Keefe... I... I...” the words were at the tip of her tongue and she was so, so afraid to finally speak them.

Because she’d kept them bottled up so, so long, letting them torture her endlessly.

“Keefe... I’m pregnant.”

The words felt liberating and _beyond_ terrifying.

And Sophie wished she was an Empath in that moment, because Keefe’s expression was unreadable and for too long he was silent and she was going to die if he didn’t fucking say something.

Keefe was silent for probably several long minutes, and every second killed Sophie. When she started counting, it was nine hundred twenty seven seconds before he finally said something.

“Are you sure?”

Sophie nodded. “We... after the troll tribunal... and... I felt my belly button.”

Keefe nodded, his expression... grim but... there was something else she couldn’t decipher.

“How long?”

“I... I think six months now.”

And then Keefe was quiet for another six hundred ninety six seconds.

“You’re sure?”

Sophie just nodded, miserably.

“Sophie, I... I’m really at a loss for words... because... just..”

“With the situation we’re in right now... you deserved to know.”

“Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me,” Keefe said, a genuine small smile of appreciation on his face through the dim light.

“I wish I could turn back time and change it all... it’s my fault.”

“It really isn’t, Sophie.”

“I should’ve made him stop, should’ve said that I didn’t want it...”

“He didn’t... didn’t force you... right?”

A choked, tortured sob rebelled and released from the lump in her throat. “No... I _wanted_ it... like a disgusting slut.”

“...What’s a slut?”

That was _not_ the reaction Sophie was expecting to that, but... she did quickly explain.

“I promise you, Foster, you’re not any of that. You’re a teenager who made a mistake,” Keefe said softly.

“I made a mistake... that could ruin everything for Fitz.”

“You’re not going to ruin his life.”

“How do you think the world would react to Fitz Vacker having a baby with the _moonlark_when she’s sixteen and he’s... what, eighteen, now? Does anyone ever give birth that young?”

“I’ve never heard of teen pregnancy for elves, but... you can weather the storm, both of you.”

“But both him and his family would suffer for it... he wouldn’t care if Orem or someone suffered, but... Biana, and Della, and Alden. They’d... they’d never hear the end of it.”

And for three hundred fourty two seconds, Keefe was silent again.

“I don’t know what you should do... but you have a few months to figure it out. You’re going to be okay.”

“You... you’re not mad at me?”

“How could I be?”

“Because... what if something else happens to me, health wise, while we’re out here? Because I’m knocked up?”

“You have heat exhaustion... and you’re not a human, so there’s a whole lot less of a chance you’re gonna hurt the baby in some way. You’ll be more winded after physical activity- frankly I’m surprised you hadn’t collapsed yet- but like, don’t half of human babies get bled out?”

“That’s a miscarriage, and it doesn’t happen to half of them... but it is a common thing that happens.”

“Well, you’re an elf. You can’t miscarry. I think we only ever had one baby die in childbirth, and that was in Ancient times, I think it was born while Atlantis was being sunk and something jarred it and it fell and fell under something and got crushed.”

Sophie winced, imagining the gory, horrifying scene. “Didn’t need all those details..”

“Sorry,” Keefe said, seeming genuinely sorry. “But... if that’s the only time a baby’s ever died while being a baby, and it wasn’t because of the childbirth or carrying it wrong... you’ll be fine.”

“Still... you say you’re surprised I hadn’t collapsed before then... what if I collapse more?”

“You’re going to be fine.”

“You said it, Keefe,” Sophie protested. “I don’t want you to treat me any different because of this... please just fill me in. There’s not something that can happen because of too much physical activity, right?”

“No... no there isn’t. Just, you’re gonna get hit harder by things like heat and tiredness, and that means both tiredness from walking around a lot or tiredness just, general sleepiness.”

“I... I hate this,” Sophie said, looking away to blink away a few rebellious tears.

“Hey... everything’s going to be okay. You’re not going to die, and neither will the baby.”

“Have mothers died from giving birth?” Sophie asked suddenly.

Keefe was quiet for a long moment, but Sophie didn’t count this time.

“I think there’s been five deaths... including the mother from Atlantis... but I think she killed herself after the baby died. So the other four were actually because of childbirth-“

“You told me that nobody had ever died from childbirth complications!” Sophie snapped, sitting up quickly.

“I meant the babies... I meant the babies,” Keefe said quickly, trying to calm her down. Sophie laid back down with a harrumph.

“Well... how did they die, exactly?”

“Three of them... I think their names were Lyuice, Tai, and Keena- which is a great girl’s name, write that down in your head- but they all died from bleeding out.”

“And the fourth one?”

“She was Shyndra... Shyndra died from carrying five babies. Elf bodies aren’t designed for that... so she died after having a C-Section for all her babies.”

“C-Sections exist here?”

“Who do you think gave humans the idea? It’s rarely used on elves, I think other than Shyndra there’s only been, like, ten births by Cesarian.”

“And let me guess, Cesarian is something other than the human doctor who supposedly came up with it.”

“Cesarian was the residence of the mother from Atlantis- her name was Yretta- Yretta lived at Cesarian and it was the house that the first physician who performed a C-Section lived in. That physician was a distant relative of Yretta, some number of a great great grandchild, and he named it a C-Section in honour of Yretta. They just happened to find a doctor named Cesarian to bestow the idea upon.”

“Huh... elvin history is wack,” Sophie said, half groaning, half intrigued.

“The point of all this is... there’s been thousands of elven births and five mothers and one baby have died- and need I remind you, all of Shyndra’s babies are alive and well.”

“I really never knew there had been a five child birth for elves before.”

“There’s been two or three four child births, probably about two dozen triplets, maybe a hundred twins, and then one five child birth. You actually know a descendant of Shyndra’s kids.”

“Who?”

“Councillor Oralie is the great great granddaughter of Shyndra.”

“Woah... really?” It was easy to forget, sometimes, how few elves there really were, and how easy it was to be related to someone. That’s why the matchmaking system was there, and with all it’s flaws it did do it’s job in that category.

“Yeah, one of Shyndra’s kids was named Tetè, Tetè had Kinada who had Oralie.”

“That’s... really fascinating, actually,” Sophie breathed.

“And actually, I think Livvy’s aunt and by extension her mom are great great great great grandchildren of Shyndra.”

“Why more greats?”

“Because Oralie’s, like, at least three thousand years old. Maybe more. But another one of Shyndra’s kids was Opal. Opal had Myma who had Reela who had Ynn who’s sister Reesea had Livvy’s mom and sister... and I think she has an uncle, too.”

“Gosh... elvin family trees are complicated.”

“Did you know, when babies are born, there’s a whole ceremony to put them on the family tree? Yes, there actually is a physical family tree.”

“You’re kidding me,” Sophie said, all thoughts and worries of death or harm to her or the baby flown out the window.”

“Yep. Well, it’s a small tree, like, a houseplant, that everyone in the family keeps somewhere in their house. I know my dad keeps the Sencen one in his Atlantis apartment... but he removed the Iga one.”

“Hm?”

“My mom’s maiden name was Iga... and when people marry, it’s customary for them to put a family tree of the person they’re marrying next to their own. Everyone gets their own once they move out... so when you marry, you knit your trees together, and when you have kids, you add to it.”

“How?”

“There’s a branch for every member of the family... it automatically grows a branch for any new additions. If your sister Traci had a son it’ll grow a nice new branch.”

“Don’t you have to add a tree if your siblings get married, too?”

“No... it just grows a branch for the spouse that’s a different shade of green for the spouse. If we had to knit together trees for every spouse everyone would have a grove.”

“Still... that’s really fascinating,” Sophie said, feeling a lovely rush of thrill after having learned something. Even if it hadn’t been her fault that she was regarded as a child prodigy when she was a human, she’d always gotten a little rush and a thrill when she’d learned something new and fun and interesting. Math had never done that for her, for obvious reasons.

“So why haven’t I ever seen the Ruewen one?”

“I think they moved it to Jolie’s room after she died.”

“But I helped clean out Jolie’s room...” Sophie protested.

“Then maybe it’s in their room? Let’s remember that I never went to Havenfield before I met you. I don’t know _everything_.”

“I mean, you knew that Councillor Oralie and Livvy are distant cousins by way of a relative who had five children all at once.”

“Well, that’s common knowledge. It’s not like everyone knows where everyone keeps their underwear... family knowledge like that... everyone knows.”

“And so everyone will always know that my baby is mine and Fitz’s, and that it was born while I was sixteen... has anyone ever had a baby that old?”

“No... I think the closest was a twenty two year old... my mom’s cousin five times removed, Lyla. We had to go to her wedding a couple years back, and then next year she had a baby.”

“Jesus Christ... I’m really _begging_every elf in the world to hate me.”

“You’re not going to be hated, Sophie.”

Sophie laughed a little bit. “Okay, objection one, that’s one of the stupidest things that’s ever been said to me, because I’m already hated by a _lot_ of people. Let’s not forget that I’m the weird elf who lived with humans who will never fit in and who was banished, and heals minds, and fights the Neverseen and brings chaos into their world... people hate me, trust me. Secondly... there’s no way you can tell me that they’re not going to hate me now that I’ll have a baby at sixteen, especially the Vackers.”

“Okay, okay... that was stupid. But the Vackers won’t hate you.”

“Each and every one of them will... including Fitz.”

“Okay, okay, wait, objection-“

But Sophie didn’t let him finish.

“-Because this will be the thing that finally brings down the Vackers,” Sophie interrupted. “How can you be a legendary family when one of your members is a core member of the Neverseen, and Fitz and Biana have been exiled, and now Fitz will be having a baby with the weirdest and worst elf to ever live. Fitz and his family will never hear the end of it... he’ll never forgive me.”

It was the words she’d kept buried for so long, the very worst part about this whole thing. Because Sophie was going to bring down the Vackers once and for all and that would be it for them.”

“I disagree strongly. Number one, nothing can bring down the golden family.”

“You were there at Alvar’s Tribunal... you saw how scorned Della and Alden and Fitz and Biana were.”

“It doesn’t matter what the other Vackers think, because they can go jump into a lake. The only Vacker’s opinion that will really matter is Fitz’s... and I guess Biana’s too, right now, but... they won’t hate you. Neither will Alden or Della. They’ll all still love you.”

“Keefe... why do you think that?”

“Fitz has always loved small things that are cute and move... he loves babies and baby animals. Tell me that that’s not true.”

“Touché. But... this a small cute thing that will ruin his life.”

“It won’t... Fitz would rather live a life of scorn where he’s happy, than leave you alone with the baby.”

“He told me himself, that he couldn’t ever marry a bad match, because it’d be this huge thing and his family would never hear the end of it.”

“Please tell me that that wasn’t a discussion related to the longevity of Fitzphie.”

“No... we weren’t even... even a thing then.”

“Okay, good. But... he’d have a choice with a bad match. He doesn’t have a choice with this. He won’t abandon you or hate you.”

“Do I know anyone else related to Shyndra?” Sophie asked, electing to change the subject.

“No... Sophie, seriously. You’re going to be okay. You... you should probably sleep some.”

“I will... thanks, Keefe.”

Keefe left her alone and Sophie cried herself to sleep. Because this still didn’t solve anything. Keefe didn’t understand the reality of the situation. It was nice to finally tell someone, even if Keefe wouldn’t have been her first choice for the first one to know.

But he had to know... and now he did.

So why did it just feel like it was tearing her up even more?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblr main is @nbchristinecanigula, all my keeper shit is on @sophie-foster-disaster-bi


	6. chapter six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where *gasp* it’s short and filler!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg im actually posting not on a day im supposed to and i!!! don’t!!! care!!!

The next few days were uneventful. They spent a week in their large sand shelter, drinking all the water they wanted and staying underground most of the time.

But finally, it was apparent that they weren’t going to accomplish anything just sitting here drinking water.

So, well rested and hydrated, carrying Keefe’s canteen and Biana’s elixir bottles full of water, as well as a makeshift water bag of sorts they fashioned out of part of Linh’s cape. It was much too hot to be wearing a cape, and apparently it was commonplace for Hydrokinetics and people living in Atlantis to wear capes made of plasticky material.

With the water slung over Sophie’s back, they continued walking the miles and miles of endless sand. Because they were now so well hydrated and all, they were able to pace themselves with the water. There was still plenty left when they stopped for the night.

Keefe hadn’t said anything about the baby since the day Sophie had collapsed, and she was grateful for that. She didn’t think she could really handle it right now, answering questions and such, she was too focused on not letting every step feel like a hundred years, focused on making sure the sweat dripping down her neck didn’t make her more despaired than she already was.

After what felt at the same time like a million years but also no time at all, another week passed. And then another. They found another, smaller oasis to fill up from, and then kept going, not having the energy to suggest resting. They were all too tired to rest.

Sophie finally decided to tear off the bottoms of her pants, leaving her with torn shorts and her tunic, and her boots, which was enough for her. It wasn’t like she’d been hiding any weapons in that part of her pants. She kept the scraps stuffed in a pocket, just in case they became useful. She tied her cape over her head like a human hijab, trying and failing to remember how her grandmother had tied her tichel before she’d died.

Soon after, the rest followed her lead, tearing pants, taking off capes that for some reason they were still wearing (only in the case of Keefe and Biana).

It was a silent gesture that signalled something that terrified Sophie beyond words.

_Acceptance._

Because they’d been like this for over three weeks, almost four. Her belly bump was growing bigger every day, and sometimes the extra weight and the unbearable heat made her almost collapse.

Finally, one night, now a good five weeks into it, clothes coming off even more, when they’d dug a shelter and had been so exhausted that they’d slept through the entire day, Linh suggested it.

“We’d be better off walking during the night and sleeping during the day.”

It was a collective _duh_ moment that made them all internally smack themselves.

Because it was so *obvious* that they should’ve been doing that this whole time and it certainly shouldn’t have taken them five weeks to figure it out.

Needless to say, they climbed out of their shelter and walked for the rest of the night, and made a new shelter as the sun began to rise.

This became the new schedule, and it was unbearably the same every single freaking day. Waking up just as the night had fallen, walking the dark, moonlit dunes until the sun began to peek up from the horizon and then dig a grave to sleep in.

And even if the sun were gone, one night, after far too long of this whole schedule, so long she’d lost count, it was just too much and Sophie again collapsed.

And it wasn’t just her knees giving in. She was painfully lightheaded and this whole time they’d been eating fucking sand because that was all there was. She was starving and thirsty and tired and hot and finally the ringing in her ears got to be too much and black dizziness at the edges of her vision suddenly clouded over everything and she collapsed.

She woke up feeling Linh desperately pressing cool water, probably sweat, to her wrists.

And she just rolled over, feeling stupid and weak and like she might die.

“Sophie, you have to get up. There’s going to be a monsoon.”

Sophie barely registered the words, and it took her too long to process them. Finally, she pried apart her eyelids.

“A monsoon?” She croaked.

Linh nodded, quick and hasty. “We have to walk through it.”

“Why?”

“Because if we went in a shelter the wet sand would trap us. Come on, hurry.”

Sophie struggled to her feet, and, leaning heavily on Linh, they kept going.

At this point, she was so hungry and thirsty and _tired_ that nothing really seemed real, and the slow first drops just felt like a dream.

The rain was _amazing_ at first. Cool and perfect, running down her back.

And then the ground became mud, becoming harder and harder to drag her feet through. And it wouldn’t be stamped down, anymore, either.

And then puddles formed in the sand, and it got so much worse. It was like walking through sludge, or quicksand, or a marsh. It was _awful,_ no matter how good the water on her felt.

And the storm raged for what was probably at least a day. The sun should’ve come out, but it stayed dark under the dark, angry storm clouds.

It felt like they were drowning.

But finally, finally, sometime later the next night, the rain let up, and she heard the best words in her life spoken.

“It’s a forest!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> main tumblr is @nbchristinecanigula, all my keeper shit is on @sophie-foster-disaster-bi


	7. chapter seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the one where *gasp* the sister finds out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow look at me not only updating, but doing it on a day im supposed to! 
> 
> you’d think id do this to myself enough times where id make myself do it every week but i guess not.

They’d found a forest, finally an end to the endless desert they’d traversed. With speed she didn’t know she still possessed, Sophie sprinted for the edge of the forest.

And for a moment, a small part of her did wonder, _could it be the illusion?_

But it wasn’t... it was a regular old forest... which was more than enough for her.

There were leaves, and leaves that had caught the water... things to eat rather than sand that gave her a sore throat.

They all collectively stripped severalbranches of all their leaves, and it was the best thing Sophie had tasted since Della’s snacks the day they’d went to Everglen.

It felt like _heaven._

No more sand everywhere, no more eating sand, no more desperately hoping for an oasis to water them for a week... a real forest with good things to eat.

They found their way to the base of a large tree, and curled up upon the roots, not caring that it was uncomfortable, not caring that they probably shouldn’t all sleep at once.

But they did, shaded in the wonderful leaves of the tree.

In the morning, they were slow to wake up and stay awake, several times Sophie woke up, found nobody else awake, and went back to sleep. But finally, they did have to get up and stay up, and they made good use of their consciousness and surroundings, eating a hearty breakfast of leaves and a few flowers Keefe had had and Linh had certified safe to eat.

In that moment, nothing tasted better than those crisp green leaves, cool and wet from the recent rain, nothing in their world could taste better. Not Ripplepuffs or Mallowmelt... utterly nothing.

After probably seven weeks or something in those stupid, stupid dunes, they were now in a wonderful, blissful forest, and it was heaven.

Trekking in the forest was much better and markedly less boring than walking dunes all day every day. There was always something new to look at, always something good to eat, and their sprits lifted accordingly, because it was like finally someone had freed them from Hell, if hell was endless sand dunes trying to find your way home.

Sophie’s exhaustion and that of her friends quickly faded in this new environment. They were tired, of course, but they felt so much better now.

Tripping over roots and plants was so much better than the endless expanse of sand.

And it felt good enough... that Sophie decided to tell Biana something.

She mustered up some courage and tapped Biana on the shoulder.

She turned to her. “Yes?”

“Can... let’s walk back here... I have to tell you something.”

Keefe seemed to overhear, and gave Sophie a nod, quickly starting a conversation with Linh to distract her.

Biana took in both what Sophie had said and Keefe’s actions, and simply nodded, her face showing that she understood.

Sophie waited until Linh and Keefe had gotten far enough ahead before starting to walk again, and Biana followed her lead, walking next to her as much as the vegetation allowed.

“On a scale of one to ten, how scared do I have to be?” Biana asked slowly.

“I... I guess seven... it’s just... you’d never be able to guess what I’m going to tell you. And... it changes everything.”

“Keefe knows?”

“Yeah... I told him a couple weeks ago... it’s just... it’s different, telling you, because of what it is,” Sophie explained, hating how she stumbled through her words.

Biana scrunched up her face, obviously trying to figure out what it was on her own. “Okay, I really don’t know what it could be. Shoot.”

Sophie was stunned for a moment at how laid back about this Biana was being... and sad a moment later, knowing that she was going to sweep away that laid backness so fast.

“I... I don’t think you understand the gravity of this.”

“What’s the point in beating around the bush, warning me how bad it is?” Biana pointed out. “Unless you’re telling me that you’re a secret agent for the Council and this has been a hallucination-“

“See, that’s pretty much what Keefe said. But.. Biana... please, promise you won’t hate me too much after I tell you?”

“Just get it out,” Biana encouraged gently. Sophie took a deep breath.

“Biana... I... I’m pregnant. With Fitz’s baby.”

And every bit of that soft encouragement faded from Biana’s face... and took all the colour with it.

“I... am going to hit him so hard when we get home,” she said through grit teeth, clearly angry not at her... but at Fitz.

“What?”

“How could he do that? How could he?”

“Biana... it’s my fault. I should’ve told him to stop...”

“No, it’s not your fault one bit. It’s his fault! How could he do this?!” Biana practically screeched. Sophie dared a quick glance at Keefe and Linh ahead, and breathed a slight sigh of relief when she saw that neither had noticed Biana’s outburst.

“You really aren’t angry at me?” Sophie asked, and Biana’s face softened.

“I could never be angry at you for this, Sophie. It’s Fitz’s fault. God, when I get home, I am going to first hug him and then smack him into next Wednesday. How pregnant are you?”

“I... actually... let me think... how long have we been out here?”

“What, ten weeks, yeah?”

“No... you’ve gotta be kidding me,” Sophie said, internally beginning to panic. “I thought it had been seven weeks? I swear it’s been seven weeks!”

Ten weeks meant not only that she’d lost count of how long it had been in the misery of the desert, but it meant that they’d been gone for _ten weeks_ and probably their families had given up trying to find them. Ten weeks meant that they’d been walking for that long and hadn’t found the illusion. Had they been walking the wrong way the entire time? Did they miss it, somehow? How did those weeks slip by so fast and yet so agonisingly slow?

As Sophie practically hyperventilated, Biana scrunched up her face again and counted on her fingers, mouthing to herself. “Yeah. Ten weeks and three days.”

Sophie gaped at her, and Biana set a comforting hand on her shoulder. “We’ll get home... we won’t stop until we get there. If all else fails, we could get to Paris and use the leaping crystal you and Dex found while you were there.”

“We’re in Africa, Biana... and probably, with how long we were walking in the desert, we’re going south. There’s no way we could be going north and have gone that far in the desert, especially without stumbling upon anything.”

“Which way is Paris?”

“Paris is in Europe, and Europe is several thousand miles north of here. We’re somewhere just outside of the Sahara Desert.”

“Do you know what country we’re in?”

A map of Africa from second grade popped up in Sophie’s mind. “Either Niger, Nigeria, Sudan, South Sudan, maybe Eritrea, Cameroon, or Chad... here’s hoping we’re not in Sudan or South Sudan.”

“Why?”

“Lots of violence. Truth be told, we are still in middle of nowhere Africa, so we could stumble upon human violence anywhere, but... I guess that’s true with pretty much anywhere in the Forbidden Cities.”

“I have questions... but they can wait. Back to what we were saying... if we’ve been gone for ten weeks, how pregnant are you?”

Sophie quickly did the math. She had turned six months after the first week of this, she was pretty sure, and then ten weeks was another two point three months, so...”

“Roughly... roughly eight months, I think? Because I became six months after the first week, so...”

Biana quickly did the math herself. “Yeah, about thirty five weeks.”

The number thirty five made it even more painfully real. Because thirty five... that meant she had just about five to go before giving birth.

“That’s a lot... that’s a lot,” she breathed.

“We need to get home before that... you can’t give birth out here.”

“I told Keefe the day I collapsed from heat exhaustion... the day when we found the first oasis. He told me only five elf mothers had died in birth, and only one baby, and it wasn’t because of childbirth.”

“Yeah, but half of all babies are born in birthing centres, the other half at home with a physician present. Not in the middle of the woods in Humanville.”

“Okay... I understand. Besides... I probably need to have a conversation with Fitz before the baby is born... because... because when the baby is born... you and your parents and him will _ never_ hear the end of this. The Vacker family name is in the mud right now... imagine what this’ll do.”

“I don’t care what other people think, as long as I’m happy and you and Fitz are,” Biana insisted... but Sophie knew she was full of it.

“You’re lying...” she said quietly. Biana’s face became unreadable.

“I just... I think I’d rather live a life where I’m scorned and people hate me than be hateful myself, be the prissy princess I used to be before you came along,” Biana said, words spoken deep from the heart.

And it made Sophie feel... it made her feel a lot better.

“Really?”

“I don’t want to be that awful girl I was... I’d rather be looked down upon than turn my nose up, blind to all that’s wrong in our world, and flounce off. Because while yes, people are gonna scorn us because of it... they’re full of age old prejudices and stupidity. If they’re too awful to fully understand how awful they are... they don’t deserve to like you, then.”

And Sophie couldn’t help but hug Biana, right then and there.

Biana hugged back, and pulled back a bit to study Sophie’s face, a small smile on her own. She tucked a strand of Sophie’s blonde hair behind her ear and gently poked her cheek.

“It’s going to be okay... I know Fitz would agree on me on what I said... once I hug him and hit him we’ll fill him in... and everything will be okay.”

“You’re amazing, Biana,” Sophie breathed.

Biana grinned. “I try,” she giggled.

They pulled apart after that, running a bit so that Keefe and Linh weren’t too far back.

“So, Keefe and I are the only ones who know?”

“Yeah... I gotta tell Linh... I’ll probably tell her today. But... best case scenario, we get home and I realistically have two, maybe three weeks to fill everyone in and get ready to have a baby. Worst case scenario... I have to give birth in the forest.”

“I scared you with telling you that elves are born with physicians present in sterile environments... but if it comes to that... I promise we’ll do our best for you. I say it on behalf of both Linh and Keefe and I, because I know they’d agree, and do everything to make sure you and the baby are okay.”

“You’re awesome.”

Biana just smiled.

Two down, one to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tumblrè main est @nbchristinecanigula, tumblrè with keeper content est @sophie-foster-disaster-bi


	8. chapter eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sophie reveals her secret to the rest of her friends.

Mustering the courage to tell Linh was markedly easier, now that she’d already told Keefe and Biana.

She held Linh back after talking to Biana, and told her that she had something important to tell her.

“What is it?”

“It... I... like I told Keefe and Biana... please don’t hate me too much.”

Linh tilted her head in confusion.

Rather than tell her through words, Sophie pulled up her tunic, which she was surprised didn’t show everything yet, and exposed her baby bump.

Linh was quiet for a moment, and then freaking squealed. “Oh my goodness, you’re pregnant? That’s so cool!”

“I... that wouldn’t be my choice of words but...” Sophie could help but smile at Linh’s excitement.

“It’s Fitz’s, right? Oh my goodness, you two would make such cute babies.”

“Yeah...”

“Okay, like, I understand that this really isn’t ideal for the situation, seeing as we’ve been missing for ten weeks and all and we’re somewhere in the Forbidden Cities, and also this’ll be something that elves have never seen but, uh, _eeeeeee!_”

Sophie giggled a bit, pulling her tunic back down.

“Woah, how does it hide it that well?”

“I don’t know... it really is impressive,” Sophie said, making a mental note to thank Flori a million more times when they got home.

“You really can’t tell if you don’t look reeeaaallyy closely and also from the side.”

“That’s good... I guess. I mean, if I were still hiding it and we weren’t stranded someplace in Africa, it would help hide it from everyone else.”

“Does Fitz know?”

Sophie shook her head. “I could’ve told him... but I didn’t.”

“Oh well... you can tell him when we get home. How far along are you?”

“Eight months... thirty five weeks.”

“Oh goodness... that means you might have it before we get home. On the one hand, a baby! On the other... ew... and also that sounds like a bad idea.”

And then a throwing star shot out of the woods, and Sophie was only barely able to grab Linh and duck them both out of the way before the throwing star would’ve hit.

It shot over their heads and landed in the forest a couple feet away. Sophie ran to it, picked it up, and studied it. It was clearly a goblin made throwing star... which meant-

“Sophie!” She heard Biana scream, and she whipped around to see her being attacked by two goblins.

Quick as a flash, Sophie aimed the throwing star she’d picked up and tossed it at one of the goblins.

_Shiiick!_

The throwing star nailed the goblin right in the left temple, and Sophie refused to let herself think about his chance of survival when he collapsed. She cut down the second goblin with a dagger she threw, and it also landed in his skull, blood pouring from the wound.

Biana had turned invisible, so she turned back around, to find Linh, with two giant spheres of water, and a goblin in each.

“Are... are you drowning them?” Sophie breathed.

“Just enough to incapacitate them for a few minutes... I won’t kill them,” Linh promised, which calmed Sophie a bit.

Until Linh shouted “Look out!” And Sophie was nearly cut down by three throwing stars in rapid succession.

And these ones, she realised, had been thrown by none other than _Vespera._

Looking like a regal queen in a flowing kelly green dress, cut low, but with a high grass green collar that went up to her ears, she also wore an intricate headdress, this one with green and gold stones. Her brunette hair was coiled in a tight bun at the nape of her neck.

“Hello, Sophie, Linh, Biana, wherever she might be, and Keefe.”

Keefe, Sophie soon found out, had been knocked out by another goblin, who dragged him over and tossed him at Vespera’s feet.

Bile rose in Sophie’s throat, and she fought to maintain control. “What are you going to do with us?”

“Other than I and the goblins, Sophie, nobody else is here. I simply came to scout you out. Many people have been searching for you in the past ten weeks... including the Neverseen.”

“Why did the ogres have that crystal?”

“It was an old crystal, made for a rendezvous that ended up being called off. Frankly, I’m surprised that they hadn’t gotten rid of those crystals yet... but it saved you, for a little while, of our plan with you all.”

“Which was?”

“Quite simple, actually. I’ve grown tired of being underestimated... I ordered for you four to be kidnapped and brought to our stronghold... to meet all those who had allied with us. We know all of your secrets... so it was only fair to repay you with one of ours.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“Foolish youth. You lack the sight that the Ancients possess... and so many squander it, so many squirrel themselves away, overwhelmed by all that they’ve seen. Councillor Bronte did it right... keeping himself immersed in everything. And yet, look how far it’s gotten him... leader of the elves. Frankly, I admire it, he is one of so few Ancients who use their power correctly.”

Vespera had opened her mouth to continue, but Sophie had had enough. Quick as a flash, she tossed a throwing star at her.

It nailed her right between the eyes, the dizzyingly sharp blade sinking in as far as it could go.

The goblins moved to attack her, and Sophie grabbed her largest dagger from her hip pocket.

She was ready to fight.

One by one, steady but blindingly fast, she cut down the goblins, until the only beings left standing wereher, Vespera, and-

No. It was just her and Vespera. Because Linh, Biana, and Keefe were all on the ground, Keefe still unconscious from before, and Linh and Biana having tried to follow Sophie’s lead, but having come down in the process.

Quickly, Sophie grabbed Biana and checked her pulse. It was steady, and she could almost breathe. It was when she felt that Linh’s was also present that she could really breathe.

“You have learned not to squander your strength, Sophie. A round of applause to you, I suggest,” Vespera said, and Sophie couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic or what. Blood streamed down her face from where the throwing star had been.

Vespera aimed the bloody throwing star... her only weapon, Sophie realised. She hadn’t come here to fight... she’d thought that the goblins would take care of it. But now... it was her only weapon.

And her only chance.

And just as Vespera was flicking her wrist, just a _millisecond_ before she would’ve released, she was knocked down onto her face.

Sophie gaped, and quickly saw that the cause was a vine wrapped tightly around her left ankle, an unnatural neon green, almost glowing as it extended, quickly trapping Vespera’s other ankle, and moving up her legs.

The vines belonged to a plant, just a couple hundred feet back, that reminded her of Audrey 2 from that musical, Little Shop Of Horrors.

Whatever it was... it was going to eat her, Sophie realised, her blood running cold.

And she... she didn’t move.

She watched as it entrapped her in vines and slowly, slowly dragged her back towards it’s opening, hungry mouth.

“Finally, Sophie, you have chosen ruthlessness. I’m frankly proud,” Vespera wheezed, so close to being eaten. “Perhaps this will be a worthy death, then.”

And Sophie watched.

She watched, unmoving... as Vespera died.

And then she fell to the ground, curled up in a ball, and began violently sobbing.

She didn’t care that at least most of the goblins were alive, and might get up. She didn’t care that her friends were still unconscious. She didn’t care that there were dead bodies around her... including that of Vespera.

She was _dead._

It was so... sudden. And such a sudden approach by her. And then... quickly as she’d come, she was gone.

And she was _gone._

She was _gone._

One of their biggest threats... dead. Just like that.

It was comparable to Umber’s death... but that had been a true attack. That had been a true attack.

This wasn’t that.

This was pretty much Vespera coming to taunt her... and not leaving alive.

And Sophie hadn’t moved... hadn’t tried to stop it.

It was like when Fitz thought he killed Alvar... but he didn’t.

He didn’t kill Alvar.

Sophie... she watched Vespera die and didn’t do anything.

She was just as responsible as that plant.

Just to test it, make sure this wasn’t all a trick, she stretched out her consciousness-

And there was Vespera’s mind... blank. Empty. Dark.

There was nothing to recover from her. She was truly dead.

And so, Sophie curled in on herself as tight as she could and sobbed.

The sobs wracked her body, her shoulders hitching over and over again, her whole body sobbing with her. She didn’t care how loud she was being... she didn’t _care._

It was too much.

She laid her cheek on the slightly damp dirt forest floor and allowed herself to sob, and sob, and sob.

And she heard people moving around her, and she didn’t care. She didn’t care if it was Keefe or Biana or Linh or any of the goblins... she didn’t _care._

And Keefe poked her.. gentle. Gently asked,

“Is she dead?”

And all Sophie could do was nod.

And Keefe... he seemed exuberant. Cheering and congratulating Sophie, because this was a huge victory.

Was it?

To her... it still felt like a defeat.

And she just kept crying.

Keefe stopped after a bit, and then Biana came, gentle and soft and quiet, to embrace Sophie... but after awhile, to quietly remind her that they needed to keep going.

“We should search the goblin’s pockets,” Sophie croaked, her voice hoarse from the crying.

She busied herself with one that was at least eight feet tall... a woman, with a long brunette braid. Her eyes were closed and Sophie was too scared to check whether or not she was dead.

And in her pockets... there were no crystals or anything of use... just weapons.

And it was the same story for every goblin... and they weren’t about to go disturb the plant to try and check Vespera.

Quiet, stunned silent, they left the scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr is @nbchristinecanigula and my keeper tumblr is @sophie-foster-disaster-bi!


End file.
